Married but still dating
Along with us, Mark’s confidence in our marriage was faith in the One who promised to never leave us or forsake us.“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans ).Larissa Murphy is the wife of Ian, and they live in western Pennsylvania.Larissa works in marketing at a local bank, and blogs at Ian & Larissa. The story of their relationship and trials, along with their uncommon union and their reflection of the Savior’s love in their marriage, was told in an online documentary. And even worse, it seemed that the harder I tried to be sentimental and lovey-dovey, the less it was reciprocated. Or, once we had a daughter, when I shared the responsibility of watching over her. Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening. Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever. And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long. Why wasn’t I getting reciprocal lovey-doveyness when we were first married? From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married.“You will never regret loving this much.” John was there, watching our wedding, just a few months after his dear wife had passed. I looked at him sitting on the old, wooden benches, without her next to him.
The practical costs felt huge, and those didnʼt even touch on the emotional and spiritual battles that I would face.
Like most Hasidic Jews (we both became religious later in life), our dating period lasted a very short time. I mean, how you can feel that burning love when you’re sitting at the table discussing how to use the last twenty dollars in your bank account? How can you feel it when you think it makes perfect sense to put your socks on the floor after you’re done with them, and she has this crazy idea that they need to go in the laundry basket? And now, as I’m a bit older and a bit more experienced with this relationship, I’ve finally come to realize something.
There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable.
Iʼve watched as my girlfriends and sisters found husbands who could dance with them at their weddings and drive them to church on Sunday morning.
Weʼve watched our dad fight and be taken by brain cancer, only to see life keep marching on.
And his spoken words after meant so much, reminding me that love like this is unable to produce regret. Ian and I had planned to get married as soon as we graduated from college in December of 2006.