Parents your dating
A body of psychological research reveals that our earliest relationships, especially with our mother, not only influence how we are able to connect to others as adults—in romantic and other contexts—but also create internalized scripts or working models of how relationships work.
Briefly, children, with loving and consistently attuned mothers grow up to be adults who see themselves positively, are comfortable seeking out close relationships and depending on others, and don’t worry about being alone or being rejected. According to the work of Kim Bartholomew, anxiously attached people will be “preoccupied” in relationships; they have a negative view of themselves and look to others to validate them.
The shared characteristics he discovered between his subjects' partners and their opposite-sex parents were robust, and not merely coincidental.
Needless to say, when romantic partners were like parents in characteristics, however, relationship satisfaction was low.
I loved your book because it helped me understand what I had been going through with my mom. I get it that this research was done on straight people, hence the statement that your partner is like your "opposite sex parent." For those of us who also date or exclusively date same sex partners, this is annoying.After measuring the attachment orientation of each individual, Simpson's team had each member of the couple identify a significant conflict in the relationship and, choosing one from each list, had the couple engage in a conflict-resolution discussion which was then videotaped.Right after the discussion, each person rated how supportive or emotionally distant he or she had been.A study by Glenn Geher suggests that we do tend to choose a romantic partner who is similar to our opposite-sex parent.In his research, he not only asked participants to self-report on how their romantic partners were like their opposite-sex parents across various categories—he actually interviewed the parents as well.
They were then asked the same question one week later.