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Posted by / 10-Oct-2017 04:43

In 2001, I was 16, sitting at the computer in the family room when my best friend, Marla M12, found me on AIM.

I hid a smirk with a frown so my mom wouldn’t wonder what I was up to — at that moment, trying not to be turned on.

Would I be bold enough to look him in the eyes and say: I like you?

It’s hard to believe that through all the technological breakthroughs, long-distance sex is still pretty much the same as it was in 1876 when Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone so women could describe their ankles to guys over the phone. But phone sex can really feel like that if you don’t know what you’re doing.

“Teens used the service to flirt through text, engaging in a form of written flirtation that looked a lot more like letter-writing practices decades before,” says Danah Boyd, author of “It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens.” That written flirtation allowed young women to construct their identities as carefully as their away messages. But online, my friends and I who fashioned ourselves as budding intellectuals who didn’t need to always talk like characters in a Woody Allen movie.

We planned Halloween costumes and epic homecoming sleepovers.

But developing a sexual identity was as difficult as choosing a screen name.

My friends and I played sexy on AIM because, in real life, we were bound to the rules of our parents, Catholicism, and the code that tells “smart kids” that sexual experimentation is for screw-ups.

We lied and pretended we got drunk, laughing at our crafty misspellings. Still, the risks of AIM were some of its greatest rewards, especially for teenage girls.

We talked about our eating disorders with a candor unavailable to us at the lunch table.

When I messaged boys I liked, I learned to have conversations where there was no pressure to arrive at a right answer.

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As Boyd notes, “AIM came on the scene at the height of the first large moral panic around online sexual predators and so the media and many parents panicked about the service, deeply frustrating teens.” We heard stories of women and girls who got raped or murdered by guys they met in chat rooms, lechery that now seems like prelude to the . “You had middle school students getting brave,” Moss says, “asking one another questions about sex, experimenting with language, acting in ways they knew to be inappropriate for school.” For young women who were told that their pleasure was inappropriate, the opportunity to develop a sexual identity online was invaluable.

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