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The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large.
Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions.
To a certain degree, we all possess a fear of intimacy.
Ironically, this fear often arises when we are getting exactly what we want, when we’re experiencing love as we never have or being treated in ways that are unfamiliar.
It can promote hostile, paranoid and suspicious thinking that lowers our self-esteem and drives unhealthy levels of distrust, defensiveness, jealousy and anxiety.
Basically, it feeds us a consistent stream of thoughts that undermine our happiness and make us worry about our relationship, rather than just enjoying it.
It’s that cynical roommate that always gives bad advice. Just put your guard up and never be vulnerable to anyone else.”The defenses we form and critical voices we hear are based on our own unique experiences and adaptations.
When it comes to all of the things we worry ourselves about in relationships, we are much more resilient than we think.
In truth, we can handle the hurts and rejections that we so fear. However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality.
For example, imagine your partner stays at work late one night. You may act angry or cold, which then sets your partner off to feel frustrated and defensive.
Sitting home alone, your inner critic starts telling you, “Where is she? Pretty soon, you’ve completely shifted the dynamic between you.